oday has been a rough day. The girls are napping now so this is where I'm going to decompress.
MoLi woke up smiling today. She was agreeable as I dressed her and did her hair. She wore a dress today and she loved it. She kept tugging at it for people to tell her it was pretty. This was the first new outfit she has worn. Grace has a gracious plenty of clothes in mint condition so she is sharing clothes with Grace. It was like she knew there was something special about popping those tags off. We're in trouble!
We took the 5 hour train ride back to Nanning, the provincial capitol, today. It was rough. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. She tolerated Brent and Jamie and Grace as long as everything was on her terms. But she had a full-blown kicking, screamng in the floor meltdown.
This is textbook grief and not surprising us at all. But I can't say that it isn't heartbreaking to love someone so much who'd just as soon you jump off the train. No matter how much you've read about it, it is hard.
So now are changing game plans. We are going back to Attachment 101. I am solely responsible for all feeding, bathing, dressing, etc. of MoLi. By meeting her basic needs this will help her learn that I am mom. We are also staying in the room tomorrow just she and I while everyone else goes sightseeing. That will give us some bonding time as well as a much needed rest. In two and a half days we have taken a five hour train ride, gone to our daughter's orphanage, had a surprise run-in with her foster parents whom she lived with for almost three years, taken a five hour river cruise, visited a minority village, seen her finding spot, and then taken another five hour train ride back to Nanning. Not to mention that from her perspective she has just been abducted by people who look and talk funny. She's actually doing extremely well all things considered. But tomorrow we will have a lazy day just us girls.
One more note about the Chinese people- they have been so wonderful to us. Despite the fact that many of them do not particularly understand or support our decision to adopt (which I completely understand) they are so gracious. They have shared fruits and snacks with us on the train. They have sung songs and played patty cake to help entertain the girls on the long ride. Two nice ladies today even taught me how to style their hair in a typical hairstyle- little buns on each side. They have been very kind.
Well, I have probably written more than I should. We appreciate your prayers and hope you will continue to lift us up.
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12 comments:
Your family is in our prayers. We continue to follow your journey. You are doing a wonderful job. I had a comment to me yesterday that broke my heart so I now how you feel. I was showing off our pictures of Chloe and this lady told me my goodness everything is made in China now including our children. I had to walk away so that I wouldn't say anything that I should not say. I will just pray that lady didn't mean what she said. Some people just don't understand. Was the picture below on Guilin day a picture of her foster parents by the van?
Elizabeth
Dear Tara,
You sound like you have a heavy heart today. Hang in there...this too shall pass. You are a GREAT mom and MoLi is so blessed to have someone like you who gets where she is coming from with her grief. I'm sure it's hard feeling "rejected" by the one you want to love on SO much! It makes me think of how our heavenly Father feels when he loves his people and they want nothing to do with him for the time. But then there is the time when we put our heads in his lap and cry to Him because He is the only one who can console us. There is a rainbow on the other side of all this!! All His promises are yes and Amen! He won't bring you through what he won't equip you to handle.
Love you guys,
Shannon
Colson misses his "fend Gace"
I am catching up on your trip and of course I am in tears. Our Maggie is 2 and I will be going at the end of March to get her. So reading what you are going through is helping me to prepare. Thank you for being so open...
I will pray for you, that God will strengthen you and that Claire will begin to accept you as her Mommy. Keep loving her, and it will get better~
Hey...I know I read something on today's post and now it is gone...what is with that?! I feel like I'm going crazy. did you edit it while I was commenting??
Tara I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. My heart hurts for me to read that, but God has blessed MoLi with one if the most wonderful families that I know! Tomorrow sounds like it should be fun for you and MoLi to just hang out just the 2 of you, and I can't wait to hear all about it. Keep your head high, and know that all of us here are praying harder than ever for you and anioxusly await the return of the Jackson FOUR!
Oh Tara,
I know what you're feeling now is so hard. As strange as it is to say, it's good that MoLi's having some of these feelings. I don't doubt for a second she knows you're mom - that's why it hurts her so much. She's trying to figure it all out. "I loved my China mama, and you were nice, but different" is how Lulu explains it to me when she watches video or sees pictures of herself looking so sad, or when I tell her how she would hit me and push me away.
Just get yourself through each day. It will get better. For Lulu when we got home it was finally like she understood completely, so this is the America you've been talking about. I think with all that moving around in China, she thought that was what her life was going to be - hotels, tours, moving around, etc. Once home life became real easy. I'm sure it will be for you too.
Hang in there,
Darlene
Tara,
Your family is in our thoughts and prayers, hang in there guys! It will get much better, your doing such a wonderful job: -)
The Anderson's (CWA)
Tara,
Reading your posts about Nanning brings back so many memories for us. I am so glad you got to go to Guilin. I know it was hard for you to see MoLi's foster family but one day you will look back and will regret it.
Our daughter, Hope, was from Nanning and we were able to take a day trip to Guiping to see her finding spot and original orphanage. We also met Hope's foster family, who Hope had lived with for almost two years. She grieved so heavily but we will never regret letting Hope say goodbye to them.
I also noticed in your pictures that Glenn is your guide. He is absolutely the best guide. He was wonderfuly with you son. Will you please tell him the Weavers say hello?
Hang in there and praying for better days for you!
Mary Weaver
Raleigh, NC
Praying today is a very special day for you and MoLi!!! You deserve a lazy day after yesterday. Sometimes the emotional stuff can just do us in. I know how I felt after meeting the foster parents and birthmother on our trips. Exhausting, emotional, rough but oh the memories are now so precious and I wouldn't trade those moments for anything in the world. Though at the time I thought I was going to lose it.
Hug MoLi and yourself from me!!
Ptaying for you Tara. I remember these rough spots and they do pass. Your plan to spend quality time together sounds perfect. What a great mommy you are! Hugs to you,
Melissa
Sounds almost exactly like our trip with Meizhi, Guilin, the foster family - all of it. The kicking wailing biting etc. too. It is hard. You are not alone- it IS normal and you WILL get thru it. Keep you faith, be strong, it will pass in time. Sending hugs and supportive thoughts
Erin P and Guilin Sister Meizhi
Tara,
I am loving your blog. Hang in there. You are doing all the right things. This too shall pass and soon you will be home. I do believe that is when everything will change, as it did for Ryleigh.
Hugs & Prayers, Karen R
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